today i held a baby spider in my fingers

i haven't blogged in months. i actually took down all my previous entries, because i was looking back at them and just didn't recognize the words as my own. something has happened within me that has changed who i am and i don't know what it is. i guess it's just plain old growing up. two years have passed since i started this blog and so much has changed. people that i loved have gone, i've met new people that i now have grown to love. i've seen new things- listened to amazing music, seen brilliant movies, read life-changing books, been to magical places and tasted heavenly foods. everyone goes through changes. that's what life is.

but one thing that bothers me is that i feel like i've lost some passion along the way. i really don't know how to explain it, and i really don't feel like i have to. in my soul, i know what's wrong, but my brain can't rationalize and put it into cognitive thoughts.

which is why i've decided to start blogging again. it doesn't matter who reads this. i'm doing it for myself, to reignite my fire, so to speak.

one of the things that has been troubling me is that i haven't written in almost two months. my moleskine lies next to my bed, untouched. i used to write in that thing every single day. i'm off to mexico this weekend, hopefully i'll be inspired by something there. it's too beautiful to not find inspiration somewhere. hopefully it's there, waiting for me.

4/15/2011 UPDATE: I have decided to re-publish all my old entries. I deleted them because I they "didn't feel like me" but what i understand now is that despite the fact that i have changed (this is a good thing!) it doesn't negate who i was before. you should never try to hide who you were or feel like your past is something that you should try and cover up. every single word you think or thing you do leads you into becoming your present self.

so yeah, these previous posts may not represent the place i'm currently in, but they very much represent where i have been and that's just as important.

maybe i'm being melodramatic, but it's how i see it, for now at least.

always be lovely

1 comment:

  1. I think we find passion in the strangest places -- out of the clear blue, namely -- and when we least expect it. We may feel we're floating aimlessly through a sea of grey. Then, all of a sudden, creativity hits us like a freight train and the waters shimmer in all their splendid azure hues again. Inspiration WILL come! Never give up! :) (And thanks for the Follow!)